I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
