You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
