I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
