So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
