We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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