so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
