Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
