The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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