I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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