My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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