Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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