I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
