I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize