something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Everclear isn't food dammit
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
