Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
