she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
