Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
