You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
