But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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