who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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