he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
