I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
