i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So much Jack, so little girl.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
