Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
