i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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