: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
