On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
