I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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