Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
