alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
