Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
