What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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