I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
