some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
