Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
