don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
