After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
