brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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