What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
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We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
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