Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
