Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
