You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize