a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
