I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
