we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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