I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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