pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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