dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
