When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
