i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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