DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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