; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
