i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
