I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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