So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
