If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
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He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
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So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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