i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
