I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Randomize
