Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
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I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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