his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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