stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
