I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
