So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
