have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
