the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
