he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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