hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
