what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
