A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
