Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
