PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
