That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
