i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
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I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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