pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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