Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
