i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.