i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
