i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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