Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
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i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.