Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
